King to King

Dear Mr. Presely,

I have been called by my many fans the strong, silent type. I will, however, be breaking that silence this day to respond to your slanderous accusations and downright coarse and rude demeanor. We are not so different, you and I. Are we not men? Do we not bleed? Do we not cry? Do we not enjoy bringing joy and satisfaction to our admirers; you through your music and me through my  delicious, flame-broiled burgers? Truly we are two sides of the very same coin. And speaking of coin, did you know that my all new chipolte fish wrap will fill you up and keep a little coin in your pocket?

The slandorizing correspondence I have received from you on this day does not befit royalty. It is the mark of the weak minded and overly simple to resort to petty name-calling and idle threats. Furthermore, a true gentleman would have enough honor to bring such issues to my attention in person. Only a coward would hide behind paper and ink. I therefore charge you a coward and chicken to the very core of your being. While we are on the subject, I would highly recommend  trying my new Tasty Chicken Whopper Jr. It will fill you up with out slowing you down, all for a mere buck buck buck. 

I ask you then, Mr. Presley is there not room in this wide world for two kings. For truly, I could never bring joy to the masses through song, dance and a hot boogie groove. While I do not know for certain, I would be willing to wager my crown that you could not fame-broil a burger or crisp a batch of golden brown french fries quite like I. If you could just be satisfied with being the king of rock and roll, the title of the king of the burger is all the accolade I will ever require. As they say, the world was not meant to be ruled by just one man.

I am most sincerely yours,

The Burger King

P.S. In an attempt to make the peace, I have enclosed with this letter one coupon for 50 cents off of our new deep fried peanut butter banana burger. Oh yes, we have officially added Elvis' King Burger to our menu. I thank you for the idea and wish you a good day.

P.P.S. If you even think of opening your own burger chain, we will crush you.